Saturday, March 17, 2007

Something I Read—Amy J

It's Saturday afternoon and I am sitting at my desk at work trying to write a compelling 8-page brochure. It's not going so great at this moment. I'm just wishy-washy and contemplative and I can hardly figure out all that I'm thinking, much less compel anybody on earth to do anything—which is problematic for my work life.

I talked to Leah. She reminded me of what we were doing at this hour one week ago... which was absolutely nothing except sitting on a plane for like, the twentieth hour. I told her I feel like Africa was months ago. How is that? How do I come home from an extraordinary place and feel so far removed? When I think about how simple life in Africa was and how un-simple I make my life... that's part of my lesson from Africa.

I grabbed the book "The True and the Questions" by Sabrina Ward Harrison from my desk (clearly, the books are helping me process...) and I totally get what she's saying:

"I see myself rushing around maintaining and preparing for what will happen next and the worries that go along with it. Getting ready for life—not being in life. It seems we start so young with the routine. If we stop there are so many worries of what could happen. Will I lose the connection? Will I be replaced? Will I be forgotten? It is exhausting—gripping onto too much. I am reminded of May Sarton writing in Journal of Solitude: 'Imitate the trees. Let go. Cut off excess. Prune. Wait. Watch. Grow deep and high to the sea.’"

It actually reminded me of Jeremy and Jennifer and Hutch. I've been thinking about them this afternoon—trying to reenter life here. They've lived so simply and enjoyed it so much. And now they're back to our pace. That's tough. Maybe we're supposed to pray for them... maybe that's why we met them in the first place. But what do I know?

I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow! aj


Zana said...

I know exactly what you are going through...tons of work to be done and I am moving at a snail's pace. My heart is broken today...I can't explain it. I'm sad. I have been talking to God 24/7...i feel like I am smothering with all that I SHOULD have on my to-do list...a list that at this point only exists in my head. I want to be happy and loving and tell everyone I know about how I experienced God working through us in suth africa but i'm mute.

PS up to this point I still feel like a stranger in my own world. I think I need a Tab.

Amy J said...

Girl. You get some tab or better yet, Pineapple Fanta.

Nato said...

thanks for the thoughts, amy. i hope i'm not alone in this, but i always look forward to seeing new posts on the blog. not just because someone posted something new, but because they probably posted something we've all been processing, but haven't been able to make concrete enough to pull it from the many other thoughts and vulnerably write it down.

on another note, i hope you'll all be at church tomorrow - i've got a GREAT surprise!

Britt said...

I love reading these posts! And I must say, I agree with Nate. I know I have not yet posted on this blog, not once. But I have come to it many times because I have something to share that I feel or want to say. But as soon as I start it, I can't get any words to make sense! Not that when I talk, I make much sense anyways. But to type it is just as hard. So instead I read what you all have posted and enjoy and relate to it. So I am thankful that some are able to put what we want to say into words! :)

p.s. Can't wait to see you guys tomorrow! It seems like its been way too long! And..surprises are exciting.

sam said...

amy, that is so true...i felt like everything was "just as always". i find myself crying to God to change things in some way...change me...let myself be changed in our normal world that seems never to change. i try to find comfort in the Mendela quote Allison posted, but it is so hard to deal with those personal changes when everything else is still the same!! sometimes i feel like the time and work it takes to change my surroundings is just too much and so not worth it so i should just conform back to make everything easier, but i know that is NOT what God would have us do!
it feels like i know what i should NOT do instead of what i should do..ya know?!?!?! oh i am just rambling! (also, with my initial post, i was convicted of it but it still doesn't mean that I was happy with it all :)) i miss seeing ya'll every day! don't be surprised if some of you get a phone call this week to talk :) love ya'll, miss ya'll! sam